Selflessness: My 2014 Resolution

I saw this quote this week and I resonated with it immensely.  I thought "wow, that describes a lot of my struggles right now."  I'm not good at saying "no."  If someone asks for my help or for a favor, no matter how much I don't want to do it, I usually say yes.  I chalk things up to "earning good karma" or just being a decent human being.  Most of the time I don't get taken advantage of.  I think this is because as helpful as I am, I am also a strong, assertive woman and most of the people in my life know and respect that about me.  However, when I am taken advantage of, I'm always the last to know.  So when I read this poster, I thought "yeah - I can say no.  I have the right to ask for a favor every now and then.  Why don't people do for me what I do for them?  I'm done crossing oceans for people who won't jump puddles for me."  I posted the quote to twitter and a sweet follower reminded me that life just doesn't work this way...

And she's right.

There are people like me for a reason.  Life isn't about give and take.  It's about giving...and when someone gives back, that's special.  That's where you find friends and allies.  We should all be open to giving a little bit of our time and energy to the people around us.  It isn't always easy to sacrifice things that we want or need for the sake of others, but every time we do, we grow a little bit.  I feel like there are a lot more people willing to lend a hand than not.  I also feel like society has made it hard to be brave enough to take that lending hand when we need it.  When did asking for help become a sign of weakness?  When did kindness and friendship become something that was difficult to believe in?

The new year is approaching and I've finally decided on a resolution:  to be more selfless.

I've always been open about my selfishness.  The first time Jordan asked me on a date, one of the first things I said was, "You don't want to date me.  I'm selfish and twisty.  I don't know my own demons, which scares me.  And when it comes down to it, I will always think of myself over others, but I rarely put me first."  I'm not proud of my selfishness, but it's easier to accept if I'm open about it.  Being open also opens the door for people in my life to openly acknowledge when I'm being selfish and help me grow into a better person.  Being honest about my flaws helps remind me that I still have room to grow and progress to make. 

So as I read the above quote again, I'm reminded that crossing oceans is just a part of life.  I should be willing to do it regardless of what will happen to me in return.  And that brings me back to one of my favorite TWLOHA quotes:

I RESOLVE TO BE SELFLESS IN 2014.

Inequality

Dear Ingles Boy,

You and your friend had a discussion last night while I was standing in the check out line.  I wasn't paying attention to your conversation.  I was worried about making sure my produce was bagged separately from my meat.  However, I did catch the tail end of your conversation involving this sentence: "What a faggot."  You did not know that I am gay.  You did not know that I heard you.  Until I spoke up.  I hope you were thoroughly embarrassed when I called over your boss and made you replay your conversation for him.  I hope that you felt ashamed when I asked you to apologize to the people waiting in line behind me for taking up so much of their time over foolishness.  But most importantly, I hope you realize how offensive that can be.  I hope you realize that "faggots" go to the grocery store just like everyone else.  I hope you understand how your words are inappropriate.  And I hope that you NEVER say that word again.

Your words did not bother me.  I've heard it all before.  It's come from the mouths of strangers.  It's come from the mouths of my own friends and family.  Hell, I've even said it a time or two.  Your words, they're nothing new to me.  But for someone else, they could be damaging...life changing.  I was standing up for the young male or female that may walk in next week, hear the same words, and leave feeling unaccepted -- like they'll never be able to express who they truly are because YOU don't have the decency to keep your opinions to yourself.  I was standing up for the principle of equality.

Equality.

Ingles boy, I know you didn't mean to walk into such a mess.  I know that you didn't even think about the words that were coming out of your mouth.  That's exactly why I had to say something.  I hope you'll begin to think before you speak.  I hope you'll be considerate of the differences around you.  I hope you'll pass the message along and that one day, you'll understand the importance of the meaning behind the things you say.

Keep working hard, Ingles boy.  And thank you for keeping my meat and produce separate.