Welcoming Love

"Empathy is about standing in someone else's shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes." -Daniel Pink

I should probably be doing homework right now.  Actually, being just 4 days until I leave for vacation, there's about a million things I should be doing and none of them are blogging.  Yet, here I find myself.  Yearning to pound out my thoughts on this keyboard because there's just so much going on in my head right now.

I worked as an artist at an event today and met some pretty incredible people.  It's interesting how different clients are from counter to counter.  When I moved from my first Estee Lauder counter to my current one in Asheville, I experienced this shift.  My customers were different.  The reasons they came to the counter were all very different.  Today, I experienced that same feeling - the women of Waynesville were different.  What I experienced today was a group of women with an overwhelming sense of loss.  One thing that I've always been very proud of is that my job entails really listening to people - not just hearing them.  Words are so powerful.  And sometimes all we need is for ours to be heard.  So listening to the women of Waynesville, I heard a lot of loss.  But accompanying that, I heard a lot of rejection.

Rejection is something that weighs heavily on me because it hits just a little too close to home.  It's one of my biggest fears.  But it's been following me around for a couple of days.  I had a long conversation with a friend last night that revolved around a theme of rejection.  It weighed heavy on my heart.  Then something interesting came to mind...

What if we showed love for one another merely because we exist in the same space?

No, really.  I mean it.  What if we actively sought positive things to say and think about one another?  What if we lifted one another up, rather than tearing each other down.  On my mental health journey, one thing I had to be very careful about was separating support from sabotage.  Sometimes, you think you're sharing something with another person in order to hear words of encouragement and compassion.  Then they share a similar story.  Next thing you know, you're both dwelling on things that are more than likely out of your control.  That's not support.  Support is when someone says, "Hey, that sucks.  Some sucky things happened in my life too...but we can grow.  We have opportunities that go beyond the bad things that have happened in our lives.  Here, let me help you."

Recovering from rejection isn't easy.  And finding someone to support you through it may be even harder.  So why not skip the whole rejection thing altogether?  Why not just love the people around us.  Why not tear down the walls that separate us rather than the people on the other side of them?

To the women of Waynesville - I heard you, sisters!  I know you've experienced some loss.  Each one of you today made me grateful for something that I still have.  I will think of you often.  But hang in there.  There will be opportunities that you don't want to miss out on.  To the people who have beat down the women of Waynesville - try some love on today.  And to anyone who is reading this that's feeling a sort of loss or rejection - it's okay.  Cry a little.  Take your time.  And when you're ready, lift your eyes.  There is so much beauty around you.  There is hurt here, I know...but there is also love.  When love arrives, welcome it.  And don't close your eyes so tightly that  you miss it.

Personal Satisfaction

"You are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more." -Sarah Kay

I know my blogging has been sparse lately.  I've been immersed in my studies.  Working full time and being a full time student has proven to be one of the most rewarding challenges I've ever taken on.  I'm learning so much about myself - my drive and my motivation.  I'm learning about my limits as well.  And I'm learning that no matter what I decide to do with my life, I will help make people better.  I'm not sure where that road will take me yet...but I know that my life will mean something to other people.

This is a concept I had never considered.  My life mattering and making a difference in the world.  In 2011, I didn't think I'd be alive to see that Christmas.  Now, three years later, I'm entertaining the idea of a long and meaningful life.  So now I've found a dilemma...what do to with it?  I didn't think I'd ever have to answer that question.  I've thought long and hard about the question.  My thoughts go back to one of my favorite quotes by Mary Oliver: "What is it you plan to do with this one wild and precious life?" I've found an answer that satisfies me for now.

"I will leave people and places better than I found them." -JS

That answer will change.  A lot.  I'm sure of it.  But for now, I think it's okay.  I'm resting in thoughts of helping others.  I'm working hard at school with the end goal being a fulfilling life.  I'm getting my education for me.  But I'm also getting it for all of the people I could potentially help with my education.  I'm getting it for the people who read my blog and believe in me.  I'm getting it for my moms who are increasingly proud and supportive of me.  I'm getting it for my wife, who is motivated by my willingness to take care of our family financially and better myself while she makes her way through graduate school.  I'm getting it for the people who don't believe in me, to prove that "I can" means "I will."  But most importantly, I'm getting an education because I feel alive again.

If you're looking for a challenge for yourself, think about what you're doing with your life.  Think about your talents and abilities.  How can you use those to better the people and places around you?  How can bettering the people and places around you make you feel alive?

"I want you to know that this world is made out of sugar.  It can crumble so easily, but don't be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it."  -Sarah Kay

Ethnocentrism

This society would consider me somewhat of a humanitarian.  I was discussing this with a friend earlier this week and she said "I just wish I could take everyone in poverty and give them a better life."  Before I say anything more, I need to disclaimer: I am compassionate towards poverty and I do not disregard poverty as a world wide tragedy.   However, is the "wealth" and "opportunity" of America any better than the poverty of other countries?  We are all still miserable.  We have petty complaints that practically ruin our lives.

America.  The great melting pot...recent historians have coined the term "tossed salad" as a more appropriate description.  I call bull.  If we were to take impoverished citizens of Romania and "give them a new life" in America, they would (almost) always be second class citizens.  I live in the south.  When someone comes around that doesn't speak English very well, I watch the people around me roll their eyes and focus all of their attention on the "foreigner."  I hear grumbles and complaints.  Why would we subject someone to that?  How can we say that you can't be happy without money?  Just because they live in a poor country doesn't mean they don't have joy.  Yes, their situation may be more dangerous than ours.  Yes, there are many people who dream of America.  But it is an incredibly ethnocentric (See Mrs. Brasher, I really did pay attention in your class) view to think that all Americans have more fulfilling lives than those of third world countries.

How do we contribute to this?  Stop viewing yourself as entitled.  This world...it owes you NOTHING.  You don't get to make demands of others.   Treat others AND yourself respectfully.  Give without ceasing.  Love everyone.  It's no secret that I am not particularly a "people person."  My friends joke that it's odd that I don't like people because I'm SO good at talking to them.  I'm not.  I'm good at listening.  People like to be listened to.  So do that.  Do something nice for someone.  Be nice to someone.  And let go of your ethnocentrism.