How To: Make Stress Your Friend

"One thing we know for certain is that chasing meaning is better for your health than trying to avoid discomfort."  -Kelly McGonigal

Breakfast

"The heart can stumble into impossible worlds."

Get a Life

"So I suppose the best piece of advice I could give anyone is pretty simple: get a life.  A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger paycheck, the larger house.  Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you developed an aneurysm one afternoon or found a lump in your breast while in the shower?

Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze over the dunes, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over a pond and a stand of pines.  Get a life in which you pay attention to the baby as she scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a Cheerio with her thumb and first finger.

Turn off your cell phone.  Turn off your regular phone, for that matter.  Keep still.  Be present.

Get a life in which you are not alone.  Find people  you love, and who love you.  And remember that love is not leisure, it is work."

-Anna Quindlen

Lucy

If you don't think she's cute, you literally have no soul...

This is my Lucy.  She's the sweetest puppy in the world.  She loves freely - nearly everyone she meets.  She came to us as a scared, broken little girl.  She had been bred, abused, malnourished, and then left on the side of the road to die.  All she wanted when we met her at the pound was for someone to love her and to have someone that she could love in return.

Lucy has such a big heart.  When we first got her, she didn't really understand how to be a dog.  She didn't understand the concept of toys or playing or running outside.  She just sat waiting to be held.  It took a while to teach her that this is her home too.  That she belongs here.  That we love her even when we aren't holding her (of course, we still offer up cuddles ANYTIME she asks for them).  Lucy's heart was so broken from the past she had, but that never closed her off from us.  It inspired a craving for more love...that's something that humans so often forget.

Once we've been hurt or struck down, we close ourselves off.  We stop fighting for love because we don't want to experience the heartache again.  Lucy had no reason to trust us.  She just knew that we were offering love and she wanted it.  She took a risk.  She put her heart out there and trusted us not to break it again.  It worked out well for her.  We love her so very much and she loves us back.  But had her heart been broken, I feel as though she would continue to seek love.  Perhaps we could take a lesson in not letting the heartache break us from Lucy.

Ponder

"Hold on.  One more time with feeling.  Try it again.  Breathing's just a rhythm."  

-Regina Spektor

Thrills

Today has been a day of the unexpected.  I suppose most days are like that.  Life is rarely predictable.  I'm learning to embrace the crazy, thrilling (yet sometimes unwelcome) things life throws at me.  Believe me, that's easier said than done.  

Milo: A Coping Skill

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."  -Josh Billings

Milo is my coping skill.  I don't think there's anything in this world that brings me more joy than knowing that he exists.  Coming home to his tiny feet pitter-pattering down the hall and being attacked by thirty kisses as soon as I walk through the door is enough to put air in my lungs some days.  I adore him and the joy that flows through him.  He's my boy.  He's always got time for a nap or a walk.  He's always willing to cuddle.  And he always knows exactly what I need.

I am more thankful for him in my times of darkness than any other time.  He is loved.  He is ALWAYS loved.  But he is appreciated, in every little way, when I am depressed.  His cuddles mean more.  His presence is more significant.  He wears this role proudly.  He knows he takes it on.  I am thankful that my coping skill always has my back.

"The only creatures evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants."  -Johnny Depp

Pretty.

"Since when was loving who we are made an offense by morons that don't matter? Change this physicality and that one.  Don't you dare shatter the illusion that you could ever be anything beyond paper-fine flesh and flashy teeth and fingernails.  A code of accusations of not good enough, never good enough.  Have you ever felt so numb that it hurts?  Entertain me.

You can't surrender to them.  You've got to remember that you're the only thing you'll ever truly have. And no, I don't mean your body.  Because someday that will go bad no matter what do you do.  I mean you.  I mean the way your bright eyes go wild when you smile and how your laugh is so melodic it's a song.

I mean the way your creativity is a compass that leads you to what you love.  And you don't need any miracle cream to keep your passions smooth, hair free, or diet pills to slim your kindness down.  And when you start to drown in these petty expectations, you've gotta re-examine the miracle of your existence because you are worth so much more than your waistline.  You are worth the beautiful thoughts you think and the daring dreams you dream, undone and drunk off alcohol of being.

...

You don't live to meet the credentials established by a madman.  You're a goddamned treasure whether you want to believe it or not.  And maybe that's what everyone should start looking for."

-Savannah Brown, What Guys Look for in Girls

I'm re-reading and re-watching this poem until the words sink in and I really start to believe them. Today I felt beautiful and today's photo reflects that...

If you're interested in the full poem, you can find it here.

New Doors

"Adventure is worthwhile in itself." -Amelia Earhart

There's something to be said about a door.  It's kind of beautiful to think that there's a single unit that separates the known from the unknown.  Until you gain the courage to walk through it, you are oblivious to what's on the other side.  Door's hold in secrets and adventures.  They block out dangers and strangers.  They separate the all-knowing from the clueless.

There's also a sort of change in adventure associated with doors.  We've all heard the adage "when one door closes, another door opens."  I'm not sure why we associate new adventures with opening new doors, but we do.  However, I'm finding that sometimes you have to sit and stare at the door for a little while before you're ready to open it.  When one adventure ends, one door closes, one opportunity seems to finished, the next door isn't always ready to be opened.  We might have to go find the key.  We may have to knock and wait for someone to answer.  We may knock and find that no one his home right now and we'll have to wait for the right person to come along and let us in.  We may have to try a couple different doors until we find the right one because they all look a little too similar.  It's not always as cut and dry as walking out of one door and into another.

Despite all of the struggles that doors provide, I still see them as gateways to adventure.  I see them as an opportunity to try something new.  They feel empowering - I am given the power to make a decision each time I approach a new door: do I walk through or not?  And every time I do walk through, I'm filled with wonder by the new sights that are on the other side.  The new people and places and surroundings.  Doors are beautiful.  Doors are adventurous.

"We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm, and adventure.  There is no end to the adventures we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open." -Jawaharlal Nehru

Small Gestures

It's the little things that go a long way...

Celebrate Love

We went to the most beautiful and real wedding today. We loved the opportunity to share this moment with some of our favorite relatives. So today's photo celebrates love.

"These are the hands of your best friend..."

A Secret Spot

"I hope you wake up feeling strong, powerful, and capable."

Brother Wolf Animal Rescue

"You can't rely on how you look to sustain you.  What is fundamentally beautiful is compassion for yourself and for those around you.  That kind of beauty inflames the heart and enchants the soul."  -Lupita Nyongo 

One thing that I consistently crave is feeling connected and my favorite way to satisfy that craving is through a random act of kindness.  Something about the act of giving ignites a part of me that is unstoppable.  Knowing that my time, energy, money, effort, etc has made a difference makes me feel alive.  In my weakest moments, being able to do something good makes me feel a little more whole.

Today's photo is of a donation receipt.  Jordan and I spent some time picking out and purchasing items for a local, no-kill animal shelter called Brother Wolf Animal Rescue.  It's one of our favorite places to donate and one of our favorite local charities.  You can find out more about them here, if you're interested.  

I'm thankful for a soul that's ignited by the opportunity to do something good.

Photos for Purpose

"Life is more precious than I can comprehend, but believe me, I'm trying." -John O'Callaghan

I've obviously neglected this space for quite some time now.  I keep trying to write and words do come, but I push them aside or decide not to post them for fear that I'm not being honest enough or, in some cases, being far too honest.  The truth is, the space I'm in right now is not one that is conducive to giving advice.  My story of strength and hope has turned into more of a battle between life and death.  I am okay.  I've sought help.  I'm moving forward each day.  My struggles are here, they are present.  I am living in them.  However, I am living.  That is what matters most.  I cannot be a source of strength for others right now because all I have is being poured into keeping me present and rebuilding me.  I am regaining myself.  But I don't want this blog to fall to the wayside.  For so long it has been a part of my life that has given me purpose and made me feel like I have a voice and the power to make a difference somehow.  The words of kindness and appreciation, the feelings of hope, and the stories we share in this space give me joy and peace.  I don't want to lose that.

So, until I feel like I can write again, I'm going to start a series called "Photos for Purpose."  The concept is simple.  In a recent therapy session, we did an activity involving postcards, which inspired me to take pictures of things that made me feel throughout the week.  It could be any feeling.  Being able to feel something felt good.  Having that purpose, knowing I had to find something to take a picture of each day, gave me a reason to get out of bed and explore the world around me.  Some days it came easy.  Some days I had to look for beauty or pain.  But every day I was able to explore the emotions that my soul so often pushes aside these days.  The pictures helped.  The pictures gave me purpose.  I'm going to continue them here, in this space.  The layout will probably change from day to day.  Some days I will write.  Others I may simply post a photo and nothing else.  But I will commit to posting a photo a day, in whatever capacity I can handle.

Here's to the road to recovery.  And to all of you who are walking alongside of me, you are not alone.

The first photo:

"If only these treasures were not so fragile as they are precious and beautiful." 

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe