I've obviously neglected this space for quite some time now. I keep trying to write and words do come, but I push them aside or decide not to post them for fear that I'm not being honest enough or, in some cases, being far too honest. The truth is, the space I'm in right now is not one that is conducive to giving advice. My story of strength and hope has turned into more of a battle between life and death. I am okay. I've sought help. I'm moving forward each day. My struggles are here, they are present. I am living in them. However, I am living. That is what matters most. I cannot be a source of strength for others right now because all I have is being poured into keeping me present and rebuilding me. I am regaining myself. But I don't want this blog to fall to the wayside. For so long it has been a part of my life that has given me purpose and made me feel like I have a voice and the power to make a difference somehow. The words of kindness and appreciation, the feelings of hope, and the stories we share in this space give me joy and peace. I don't want to lose that.
So, until I feel like I can write again, I'm going to start a series called "Photos for Purpose." The concept is simple. In a recent therapy session, we did an activity involving postcards, which inspired me to take pictures of things that made me feel throughout the week. It could be any feeling. Being able to feel something felt good. Having that purpose, knowing I had to find something to take a picture of each day, gave me a reason to get out of bed and explore the world around me. Some days it came easy. Some days I had to look for beauty or pain. But every day I was able to explore the emotions that my soul so often pushes aside these days. The pictures helped. The pictures gave me purpose. I'm going to continue them here, in this space. The layout will probably change from day to day. Some days I will write. Others I may simply post a photo and nothing else. But I will commit to posting a photo a day, in whatever capacity I can handle.
Here's to the road to recovery. And to all of you who are walking alongside of me, you are not alone.
The first photo:
"If only these treasures were not so fragile as they are precious and beautiful."
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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