Robin Williams: Thank You

"For so many, living in a world of depression or personality disorder is a minutely struggle.  I'm not here to say there's a right way to cope, to survive, to thrive.  Each moment lived is a victory." -Bonnie Boyer

Jordan and I cancelled our cable last spring because we wanted to spend more time actively engaging with one another rather than just being in the same room.  We rent movies and/or watch them on Netflix, but we limit that time.  And of course, as all good women must, we'll follow our friends on Grey's Anatomy and Scandal this year through Hulu Plus. It is wonderful!  Because we have to select something particular to watch and our TV time has to be very intentional, the TV is never just on.  It is never a distraction.  We can be outdoors together.  We can read together.  We can talk or play with the dogs.  It also keeps us very disconnected from things that don't matter.  Hollywood drama does not matter.  It does not impact our lives on any level whatsoever.  I do not read about pop culture and honestly have no idea what's going on in Hollywood right now.  However, occasionally there are things that are just too big to miss.  

When I got the text about Robin Williams death, I was sitting at the dinner table with two friends and my wife.  We we laughing and chatting and just catching up.  I saw the text and set my phone to the side as to not distract from conversation.  While I've always been saddened by any sort of loss, I've always felt disconnected from Hollywood loss.  I don't know those people.  I've never met them.  I feel no kinship to my favorite actor/actress.  I don't even know if they're a good person or a bad person because I've never met them in person and I've seen them all play so many roles.  I do imagine that Robin Williams was a great man -- he brought so much joy to so many homes through his humor.  But his loss (especially not knowing what from yet) didn't seem worth interrupting our dinner with friends we hadn't seen in months.

Less than 10 minutes later our friend Elizabeth got the news...  Robin Williams - cause of death: suicide.

I know my reaction to this text will be unpopular.  I was relieved.  I've never gotten more than one of those texts a year and all I could think was "thank god it wasn't someone I love."  Being so closely intertwined to the mental health community (my wife works in it and I was a drowning in it for years), I still keep in touch with many of the people that impacted my journey.  People I met in hospitals or group therapy.  People who just understood me.  And about once a year, I get a call/text/email saying that one of them didn't make it.  It's August and that hadn't happened yet this year.  Getting the news about someone I didn't know, made me feel like someone I did know was saved.

I also think that his death has sparked an awareness in our community that could not be matched by any mediocre blog such as this one or even world wide organization such as TWLOHA.  I'm reading so many things on Facebook that directly address the mental health community and convey ideas of hope and security even amidst mental illness.  I'm seeing communities embrace heartache and pain and talk about the things everyone tries to hide.  People DO have "ideas worth spreading" and they are sharing them.  Robin Williams life may have brought our families closer, but his death is doing so much more -- it is bringing together a community that was previously forgotten and making mental health awareness a very real message in our world.  My heart aches for his family and friends and the people that truly did know him as a person...but I hope that they can find comfort in knowing the difference that he is making in the world right now.

And thank God that text wasn't one of my beloved friends this year...here's to another year of fighting guys!