Today, as you make a decision that will potentially change my life, please consider the following:
When I was 7 years old, I got a terrible haircut. It was short and blunt. I was tall and skinny as a child. I had big feet (for my age) and crooked teeth. My cheeks have always been a little too red and my skin a little too pale. As a child, I longed for long flowing locks of hair, curled and tied back in a silk ribbon. What I got was short and blunt. I went to school the day after receiving this awful hair cut and a boy made fun of me. I came home and cried. The next day, the same boy made fun of me again. Again, I came home and cried. That silly haircut really hurt my heart for days. Looking back, I wonder why that boy cared so much about my hair...I also wonder why I cared so much about that boy. His thoughts didn't matter. My hair was still short and his commentary wasn't making it grow faster. I did let my hair grow out for a while and kept it long throughout high school. This past year, I had it cut short again. Why? Because that boy doesn't matter. Because 7 year old girls grow up. Because my I like my hair short. Because throughout life, everyone that mattered encouraged me to be myself. They say, "be who you are. Be what makes you happy." I like myself. I like who I am. I grew up and I grew into me. The words of that 7 year old boy are but a memory. His idea of who I should be, well, it doesn't matter much anymore. It shouldn't have ever mattered. At 7 years old, it was devastating to hear that my differences made me undesirable. Now, if your 7 year old daughter came home crying over being singled out because of her differences, I think you would actively and appropriately handle the situation. You would tell your daughter that she is beautiful, just the way she is. So, today, as you make this decision, consider our differences. Consider what makes you different from those around you. And picture yourself being singled out for that. Picture your family being singled out. Allow me to get married. Allow me to have my own family. Because my differences are really not all that bad. Because differences should be appreciated. Because our country is based on the ability to FREELY be DIFFERENT. Show us that you believe in our country. Show us that you believe in our differences.
"I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend." -Thomas Jefferson
Jordan and I have always lived by one simple standard: Your story matters. We believe that every individual we meet has an experience, lesson, or talent that is vital to our growth as good human beings. We believe that the stories we hear and the personalities we encounter all play an important role in our lives. Big or small, you make an impact on us...and your story matters.
As many of you already know, I work for Estee Lauder and I love every minute of it. My job, everyday, is not only to make women look beautiful, but to make them feel beautiful by giving them the confidence to put their best face forward every single day. My job is fun. I get to meet a lot of different people, each of them with their own story. Discussing physical appearance puts women in a vulnerable place -- a place where they are likely to share things that they don't disclose frequently. My job is to erase her insecurities. Each day, I hear stories about busy mothers, working women, students, widows, etc feeling like they aren't comfortable in their own skin. Their stories are personal and touching -- I get to be a part of that! What these women don't know, is that as much as my work changes their life...their stories change my life.
Last week, a woman came in and said "I've had cancer and now my skin is just so dry." That's where we started, with dry skin. I sat her down and showed her some products that would help. She LOVED them! Then I said, "this skin care system will make the perfect base to put your makeup on flawlessly in the morning -- the results will totally wow you!" Her response? "I don't wear makeup. I like to look in the mirror as little as possible." I was cut to the core. This woman was strong enough to fight and survive cancer, but unable to look at herself in the mirror? She was a beautiful woman, but she didn't feel it. She went on to say that the chemo had made her skin blotchy and her teeth yellow and her hair brittle. She was so strong, yet so vulnerable. I said "give me 5 minutes to change your mind." I did her makeup in silence (if you know me, you know I'm never silent). I didn't know what to say and I was scared that I might start to cry after hearing her story. I made sure every stroke was gentle and clean. I made sure every color was perfectly picked. Before I showed her the mirror, I said "let me give you a complimentary hand massage...I can feel your anxiety, let's relax before we try to take this all in." After the longest hand massage of my life, I timidly handed her the mirror. Her eyes filled with tears and so did mine. We didn't say a word, but I knew that I was witnessing, for the first time since her cancer struck, this woman feeling beautiful. She glowed. She flashed a smile and said thank you. I said "Your story matters -- thank you for sharing it with me."
These are the moments I live for. This is why I love my job. The beauty industry is something that seems to be portrayed as negative. My own wife posted a video this week about how we shouldn't strive to be pretty. I'm here to tell you that, while good looks aren't everything, there's no shame in wanting to feel beautiful. I'm also here to tell you that I do more than make women pretty all day. I change lives. I give women the courage and confidence to show the world that their story matters.
"I believe that potential is unlimited. Success depends on daring to act on dreams. Decide how far you want to go and go the distance." -Mrs. Estee Lauder
One of the greatest lessons I've ever learned, and a sentiment I often pass on to those around me is "Whatever it is, don't let it beat you." I've found that this small quote that I read in an American Girl book circa age 9 is often times exactly what someone needs to hear.
Don't let it beat you means that we don't let the struggles we go through define the moment that we're in. It means that we don't give up even when we are sure that changes can't be made. It means that we fight for what we know is right until there's no more reason to fight. Don't let it beat you means that we decide what our futures hold because no one else should. Don't let it beat you doesn't mean that you have to win...it just means that we gave it our best shot.
This week, I had to give myself a "don't let it beat you." Things just seemed to be working against me. I had a couple of days off (which is rare) and I was hoping to get to spend them with family, but we had a situation that kept us in Hickory two extra days. After the situation was handled, we headed home, but we ended up doing WAY more driving than I anticipated. When I finally got home to see my family, it was 1:00 in the morning and I was two days late. I had to cram all of my previously planned activities into two days and then hit the road for work. So, I was exhausted from constantly running around (I had two days to spend time with my parents and my in-laws) and still didn't get to do everything I had wanted. I had to go out of town for work on Thursday. I was planning on leaving straight from Greensboro on Thursday morning, but the dress code for our seminar changed last minute and I had only brought the clothing I was planning to wear with me. So, I had to head back to Hickory on Wednesday night. On Thursday, I woke up late and had about an hour and a half to make a two hour drive. My conference was MUCH longer than I expected it to last and we had an obligation in Charlotte afterwards that same night. When we finally got back to Hickory on Thursday night, frustrated and exhausted, Jordan and I got into bed and she said "I've never been more excited to go to sleep." We were tired and worn out and the only thing I could think about was that I had a big day at work the next morning. When I got to work on Friday, our numbers were down much more than they've ever been before. I was ready to cry. Or go home. Or both. But instead, I took a minute to myself and reminded myself that I can't let it beat me.
You see, weeks like the one I just described are common. I live a busy life and that's not changing anytime soon. However, I can't let it beat me...and neither can you. We have to push through stress and restraints and other people's mistakes causing us hardship. There are plenty of things that will beat us if we let them. What we often seem to loose sight of is the fact that being beaten is something we allow to happen to ourselves. We get tired and we decide that things are just too hard. I'm here to tell you that you're exhaustion IS VALID. You DO have a reason to want to give up, go home, cry, and take a nap...but how much more rewarding is it to say "I conquered the hard stuff!!"? How much more beautiful is life when we don't feel defeated? Remind yourself "it's just a minor set back...it's just a bump in the road...this doesn't have to beat me." Because the longer you fight and the harder you work, the more powerful you are. When you "don't let it beat you," even if you lose, you get to walk away with your head held high. When you "don't let it beat you," you get to discover a new, stronger part of yourself. When you "don't let it beat you," you win.
"Struggle as hard as you can for whatever you believe in." -Pinterest!
The people that have impacted my life most, I have met inside of a classroom. This is an obvious place to meet the most influential individuals in a young person's life. In my high school years, I spent 7 hours a day, 5 days a week, 9 months a year for 4 years surrounded by the same (at least mostly the same) people. These people were trained to mold and shape my thoughts, actions, and reactions. They were responsible for taking care of me and those around me for 1/3 of the day for 4 years. We spend a great deal of time learning from and alongside our teachers. So, it is natural that these people slowly become our every day heroes.
I had the same French teacher from 6th grade to senior year (with the exception of 9th grade). She was a great teacher. She taught me to value culture and differences. She taught me that individuality is what makes people extraordinary. My 11th grade environmental science teacher taught me that we can reach more people when we share what we know. She was working in the field when she decided that she could make a greater impact on the environment by inspiring the future of America to care about the environment and "going green." By detailing the importance of sustainable living to her students, she could motivate hundreds of students to make simple changes like recycling, conserving energy, and eating sustainably harvested foods. The impact of just one student per class is greater than the impact she could make alone. My English 12/creative writing teacher taught me the importance of becoming who you are. She also taught me the importance of rules and discipline. She was always pushing us to do our hardest and think outside of the box. She was also very strict! My Spanish teacher taught me the value of discovery. She wanted us to learn for the value of learning...not just to make good grades! There was an English teacher at our school that I never personally had, but she taught me that faith in all things (God, myself, and that things will happen the way they were meant to happen) will take you further than you could imagine. She also taught me about being brave and standing up for what I believe in. My psychology teacher taught me that tasteful humor can brighten any day. My European history teacher taught me that I will never truly know my own strength, but it's okay because those around me can see it. He also taught me that I can do A LOT without ANY sleep. My government teacher taught me that success doesn't come easy, but giving up won't get you anywhere. My chemistry teacher taught me humility by giving me my first and only B on a report card. My statistics teacher ("mom") taught me more than I could ever put in one post...but the most important thing she taught me was that I am valuable and I should not give up on myself.
There are so many more people and so many more lessons that I learned from the people I interacted with on a daily basis in high school, but it would take days to name them all. The point is, the lessons I learned from my teachers go far beyond foreign language, grammar, integers, and war generals. The things I remember about high school are not the tests that I didn't think I could pass or the football game that we should have won...the things I remember are the life lessons that I value greatly. I believe that the educators of America are among some of our greatest heroes. I believe that the people who should go down in history are the ones that struggle daily to maintain our attention and keep us engaged. I believe that the hardest working individuals I know are the ones I've learned the most from.
Reach out to a teacher you know and let them know that they are doing a good job. Thank them for all they do for you and/or your child. Love who they are and the lessons that they are teaching you. Accept that you will one day be thankful for the impact they will have on your life. And know that they are molding and shaping you to be an extraordinary person.
Also, we should pay them more. Because it seems to me that they are doing much more than their fair share to give back to society (:
I was watching Chely Wright's response to congress allowing the people of the state of NC to vote on amendment one. I'll link the video below, in case you're curious. While the entire video is absolutely excellent, this post is only about one line from the video: "It's an unfair act to a lot of North Carolinians that are doing their best to just live their lives." Chely was referring to the actual vote on amendment one being a political tactic to rally the republican party and show the LGBT community just how unwanted they are in the community. However, I only want to focus on the second half of this statement; "doing their best to just live their lives."
Let me give you a little bit of insight into my daily routine. I get up every morning and let my 8 pound Maltese, Milo, out to use the restroom. Then I take a shower and get ready for work. It takes me an hour to get ready for work and about 15 minutes to eat breakfast. Then I leave and start my 35 minute drive up the mountain for work. I do my job, then I go home. I come inside, change clothes, and take Milo on a walk. There's usually some sort of errand that needs to be run, which I do. Then I cook dinner and sit down at the dinner table to eat dinner with my wife. We talk about our how our days were, what our schedule looks like the next day, and any other general conversation. We clean up after dinner and usually do something to unwind and relax such as watching TV, playing on the computer, reading, etc. Then we go to bed.
Now, let me tell you about Jordan's daily routine. She gets up and immediately turns on the coffee pot. She usually has some homework left over from the night before, which she completes. Then, she gets ready for work and goes to work. She comes home and works on homework. If she has class that night, she goes to class. If not, she usually does laundry or some light cleaning. Then she eats dinner, tries to relax, and goes to bed.
These two stories sound incredibly mundane and boring, don't they? EXACTLY. We don't do anything much differently than anyone else. We eat and sleep and shower just like everyone else. We have jobs, just like everyone else. She's in school, obtaining her master's degree to become a counselor. I'm making my mark on the beauty industry working for Estee Lauder. We aren't much different than anyone else on the face of the planet. So, why is it, that we get funny looks when we hold hands in the grocery store? Why, when we sit on the same side of the booth, are we always asked if our checks are together or separate? Like Chely said, I'm just trying to live my life... your glares and misconceptions are completely unnecessary.
On my birthday, we had dinner at a Japanese restaurant. We were at a table with one couple that had 3 kids and a high school couple. The high school couple took a million pictures of themselves eating and laughed too loud at each other's jokes. The mother of the 3 children was obnoxious. She basically changed something about every single thing she ordered. Her entire order needed to be cooked a special way.. "No broccoli for him. Split her rice between the rest of us. We want to share the steak and shrimp, but I want all the shrimp, he wants all the steak...blah blah blah." It was annoying, but we just kept to ourselves. The woman proceeded to glare at us the entire time we were eating. We literally ordered our food, made no changes, and ate the food that was given to us. The woman was so disgusted with our lifestyle, she left and took the kids as soon as the chef had finished cooking and told her husband to pay the check and meet her in the car. Which of the two would you rather eat with? 3 children and a complicated order or a quiet couple with no complaints? We aren't really sure what people think is SO strange about us, but I can tell you, we really aren't much different than any other young couple in the world.
I'm not saying that you have to love every person you meet because you won't. What I am saying is, take the time to get to know them...you might actually like them. I am a person...not JUST a gay person.
