In case you haven't heard, I am moving to Disney World... in two days. I accepted a position as a part of the Disney College Program (DCP), which you are welcome to Google and find out more about. It's really an amazing, magical experience and I am incredibly excited for it! However, there is a question that I keep hearing over and over that I've been wanting to answer and I think the only way to give it the true, thoughtful answer it deserves is here, on this blog. The question is this: What are you going to gain from a Disney internship that could possibly be applicable to the rest of your life? Aren't you a biology major - what does THIS have to do with THAT? It's truly a valid question. So, here's my truly valid answer.
Throughout this blog, those of you who have been with me from the beginning have watched me seek something that I have always seen as unattainable. That something is the word "better." I've never felt like I could ever be completely "healed" from my mental health disease. I've always thought I would have to carry pieces of it around with me and, ya know what, I probably will. That realization alone, is a huge step in getting "better." Seeking a state of wellness has been so important to me - I've been so focused on it - that I've almost forgotten to live life alongside of it too. I keep my routine and don't break it for fear of my mental health falling apart. I'm unwilling to leave my wife and dogs for more than a day or two because they keep me stable. My job offered financial stability that I was completely scared to step away from. All of these things that keep me healthy have also kept me from experiencing the life that I was meant to live. Don't get me wrong, I love my normal, happy, healthy, routine life. But I'm ready to prove to myself that I can do more.
So, that brings us to where I'm at with the DCP. It's time for me to prove to myself that I can live a life of adventure and still remain healthy. I have the tools. I know I am strong enough. I just have to be brave enough to take the first few steps - the rest will come in strides. DCP is going to offer me a chance at a college experience that I never had. It's going to give me time to find who I am as an adult, living a life of wellness. It's going to prove to me that "better" is attainable. Something about leaving behind everything that has offered me stability over the last few years makes me feel wildly adventurous and oddly free from my disease. And frankly, it also scares the shit out of me. Trust me, I have had my moments in preparing for the move. I broke down several times over having to find and get acquainted with a new grocery store. I have stressed over my food allergies more than one can imagine. I broke down when I dropped the dogs off for haircuts yesterday because Waggers (most amazing groomers in Asheville - I highly recommend them) is so nice and they always say sweet things about our babies. And I have no idea if I'm packing too much or too little (I doubt I'm packing too little), which I also cried about yesterday. Change does not come easy and moving away from what you know and love will induce anxiety in even the calmest of folks. I will be okay. I will be strong. I'm ready to start this journey. And when I'm back in January, we will celebrate my homecoming...and my wellness.
Thank you all for your love and support! See you in Florida (:
