Home: Where The Heart Is

"The ache for home lives in all of us; the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned."  -Maya Angelou

Everything hurts right now.  I spend too much time trying to figure out what's going on in my head and heart, but I keep moving forward.  Forward and forward.  There is something wrong with almost everything, unless there isn't.  I've seen some of the most beautiful things in the last few weeks.  Florida has so much to offer...but when it comes down to it, I've seen all of this beauty alone and beauty with no one to share it with isn't magical at all.  What's wrong with me?  The words have been swimming around in my head for days now and the answer is so clear, but so hard to admit.  I'm homesick.

I have learned so much during this experience.  I've learned how to live with strangers and create a functional household.  I've learned how to work so hard for so little.  I've learned about safety, courtesy, show, and efficiency (more than you can imagine about those four little words).  I've learned how to pay attention to every single detail because it all counts.  I've learned to be fully functional (for a 14 hour day) on 1 or 2 hours of sleep.  I've learned that public transportation sucks and have resorted to driving almost every day to work.  But most importantly, I've learned that I belong at home surrounded by people who love and support me.

One of the reasons I accepted this offer is because I wanted to prove to myself that I was strong enough to be on my own.  I know now that I'm okay to handle being on my own, but I don't want to.  I chose Jordan and the other people in my life because they make my life good and happy - it makes sense.  The things I thought I had missed out on shouldn't make me unhappy because they aren't even close to as great as what I did get out of life.  My life in Asheville is worth not having a "college experience" (something I really craved) or proving something to myself.  I'm happy at home and I don't think anything else could make me happier.  I like my family.  I don't know what I was looking for here, but I didn't find it.  What I did find is that my home and my heart are in Asheville and I have to go back.  I've learned that nothing in life will ever be worth more than the ones you love.

So that's where I'm at right now.  I'm sad to be in Florida.  I want to come home so badly.  I miss everything about my life in Asheville.  There are moments of happiness here.  They are fleeting, but they do exist.  I am okay.  I am making it.  But more than anything at all, I just want to go home.  Hey, it is Disney...maybe wishes really do come true?

"A wish is a powerful thing, especially when it comes from the heart." -Jiminy Cricket, Wishes