Not For Me

I've been touring college campuses in preparation for what comes next: transferring.  When I went back to school, starting at community college made sense.  I needed to prove to myself that I could do something small without having an emotional breakdown before I tried to take on something huge.  Starting somewhere was better than never starting at all.  So, as my last semester of community college approaches and my final graduation requirements have been registered for, it's time to start thinking about what's next.  A 4 year university for a bachelor's degree is the next check point, so we've been searching for the one that's perfect for me.

Originally, we thought we were going to stay in Asheville.  But the more we've entertained the idea of moving, the more real that possibility has become.  We love Asheville, but we can always come back here.  And the reality of Asheville is this: my wife will have her master's degree in December 2015 and Asheville doesn't have the job market to accommodate her.  So, we've been looking.  For now, I'm going to keep the prospects a secret... where I'm thinking of going really isn't the point of this post.  It's what I've learned along the way.

One of the schools I looked at requires their honors students to participate in a study abroad session.  I did not plan on applying to honors programs, nor did I plan on studying abroad.  But the topic keeps coming up and this school in particular makes it way too easy to hop on a plane, head to a new country, and experience a new culture.  My mom really encourages the opportunity to study abroad.  She likes the idea of being immersed in another culture and learning how that community learns.  When she and I discussed the places I could go to study, places like France, England, and Scotland were first on the list.  Who wouldn't want to spend a few weeks exploring those places?  We talked about all of them and which one will provide me with the most educational reward.  That's when I realized I can't study in any of those places.

I am selfish and vain to think that a European hospital can teach me more than a dying a child whose mother can't afford clean water.  If I choose to study abroad in a place like France, I will be doing it for me.  Which is why I will be going somewhere scary and unusual.  Somewhere that we often categorize as "dangerous" or "uncivilized."  I began to research programs in places like Botswana, Africa and Iquitos, Peru.  This is where the need is.  If I'm going to learn, I'm going to do it where there is a need.  If I'm going to experience my education in this manner, it will be because there are people who wouldn't receive healthcare otherwise.  If study abroad is in my future, it will be to make a difference, not to fulfill my own travel destination desires.

I know everyone in my life will worry about my safety.  My ambition sometimes blurs my vision of reality and I am completely aware of that.  But playing it safe never made a difference in the world.  If no one ever takes risks, then problems of malnutrition, poverty, hunger, and limited health care in third world countries will never change.  I know that I'm just one person.  I can't, as one individual, save Africa or Peru, but I can do my part.  And I promise that a few weeks spent in these countries will do a hell of a lot more for the world than a month in London or Paris.

If I decide to study abroad, I can't do it for me.

I have to do if for them.