Losing a husband is probably the most painful thing you've experienced in your life thus far. While it feels far too young to be labeled a widow, you've lived long enough to know that we are not in control of the things that happen in our lives. Today, I'm not writing to say that I understand your pain or that I'm sorry for your loss. I'm not writing to tell you not to worry about me or that everything is going to be okay. Today I'm writing to do that thing that I do when everything feels bad - I don't have answers, I just have perspective and compassion.
Three days ago you lost the man you shared everything with. When you share everything with someone, that means they share everything with you too. Which means when you lose them, they can try to take a piece of you with them. That's okay. You're allowed to hurt and feel sad and even lay on the bathroom floor sobbing if that is what you feel. However, you have to do those things you feel and the things you don't feel too. Make yourself smile at least once a day, even if it's not a real one. Make yourself eat a meal or two. Make yourself a hot cup of tea because it feels good. Go outside. Cuddle your dog. Anything that's happy, do that. But most importantly, show up.
Show up, mom. Not just for meetings or work or doctor's appointments because those things aren't really all that important. Show up for life. Remember that there are flowers outside and stop to smell them. Make that cup of tea extra sweet just so you can taste the honey and think about the bees that made. Think about dreams you've had and never fulfilled. Pick one. Try it. Dream of something impossible and write about it. Take a pottery class. Try something new. Go on a vacation to somewhere you've always wanted to go. Or somewhere you've never wanted to go. Be amazing because you ARE!
You don't have to do it all today. You don't have to change the world or save lives or enroll in pottery class or become a bee keeper this month. But make that cup of tea today. Tomorrow do the same thing, but drink it outside. Healing happens one step at a time. I know you are strong, but you don't have to be right now. Just take some time to take care of you and make sure that you show up.
I'm so very proud to call you my mother and I'm so very hurt over the pain that you're in, but I am so very thankful for the eleven years you had to love this man. Tomorrow may not be good, but it can be better. I love you, mom. Show up.
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