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| Recommendation written 10/20/2015 |
There comes a point in recovery where you've gained all you can gain from a treatment center. I'm not sure if I'm at that point, but my team says this feeling is normal. My team says I'm ready. I'm coming home on October 28 and I'm... terrified. I have a lot of emotions. I'm excited. I'm pumped. I know I'm as ready as I could possibly be. However, leaving the cushy world of ERC where I know even when bad things happen I'm completely supported - that's scary. But, don't worry. I'm transitioning to a lower level of care. I'll be home for about 5 days. Just long enough for me to try my hardest and room for a little error. Time for me to find my strengths, find my weaknesses, and see room for growth. Then, I'll head to Wilmington, NC to begin the next stage of treatment which will be about 1/3 of the care that I receive now. It's going to be good. I know I can do it. I also know that when I struggle, I will have a lot of support behind me.
I'm very excited to see friends and family and reconnect with people I've been away from for almost two months. I'm also excited to share meals with people and remember how exciting that can be. It's been a long time since walking into a restaurant felt okay (still not natural, but we're getting there). My brain is coming back - I can have conversations without spacing out, losing my train of thought, or feeling utterly confused. I don't repeat myself 4 times and get frustrated when people aren't understanding what I'm trying to say. It's a life I once had and a life I'm coming back to. I'm excited for it. I'm motivated to achieve it.
Switching gears slightly, the quote at the top was from a goodbye card that I received from someone I met at Eating Recovery Center. She's one of the most amazing people I've met along this journey - truly a beautiful soul. The words have really hit me. Follow all that excites your soul... wow. Maybe read that again and let it sink in. She didn't say to only follow what excites you, because we all have responsibilities that we'd rather not deal with. But we are directed to follow everything that excites us. What if we lived in a world where we pursued everything we thought was good, happy, or well? Would we be living in wellness? I love it.
So, in 4 days I'll be in North Carolina. But there's plenty of challenges to be faced before I make it there. This morning I have a breakfast challenge (Panera). Tomorrow I will be cooking dinner. And Wednesday I have to do an entire day worth of meals and snacks on my own (good vibes and happy text messages accepted that day).
Here's to 4 more days with ERC, but a lifetime of moving towards recovery.
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