"Be brave for what you believe in." -Kevin Breel
This week has nearly destroyed me. Emotionally, I haven't been this low in almost 2 years. Jordan is scared. I'm tired of fighting myself to live. It's exhausting. I'm exhausted. I haven't been sleeping. My appetite is nearly gone. I'm staring all of my "warning signs" in the face and I'm not sure what to do about it. We used to keep a list of things to look for on our refrigerator. It was just a short list of things that I would say or do that indicated an emotional decline. Next to each warning sign was a resolution -- something I could do for myself to address that particular issue (for example: Becomes withdrawn ---> Force yourself to be with friends). It was that simple and it worked for me. I didn't bring that list to this apartment because I thought I was out of the woods. I thought I was done with what's going on in my head. I thought I was okay to leave my coping tools behind. Because I thought I was okay.
It's scary to think we're going down this road again...I'm not feeling very brave right now.
"Q: How do you eat an elephant? A: One bite at a time."
ReplyDeleteThink maybe you've been trying to eat that elephant in one bite, and maybe trying to carry it around too far on your own. You don't need to do that. You're not a burden to those of us who care about you love.
Break this down into bite-size pieces. You wrote that list once, re-write it now. There isn't a soul on this planet that doesn't use several coping mechanisms every damn day. Yours are just better organized and thought through.
There's an acronymn I like that came from an exercise motivation tweet, but it can be applied to pretty much any goal that needs to be done in steps. Make sure they are :
S pecific
M easurable
A ttainable
R elevant
T ime-bound
Do the meditation thing. I know I keep harping on it and it does take practice but it can really help. You have a whirling storm of crap flying at you; meditation can make a pocket of calm in the storm. It gives you a place to let stuff happen around you not to you. At the very least you get a respite to breathe and gather your strength. Maybe you even get to step back just enough to see a better path.
You know you can dm me anytime. And Jordan? So can you.
*Hugs*
Thanks, Nancy. I do use the meditation. I have it on every electronic device I own (:
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