Listen More

"Everyone has a story.  Have the patience to listen.  Have the wisdom to learn."  -MaryAnne Radmacher

I think people listen to my story because I write about it instead of talking about it.  However, I think many of the same people that listen to my voice via my blog, wouldn't care to have these same conversations with me in person.  I know for a fact how uncomfortable it can be to talk about personal feelings to friends, family, and even strangers.  But writing about it is much easier for me.  Here, I can cry and no one sees.  I can be angry and don't have to control my emotions.  I can be happy and not worry about looking silly.  I am comfortable behind my computer screen...behind my blog.

I've been all over the place this week.  I spent Saturday and Sunday in Charleston, SC.  Monday here in Asheville, NC.  Tuesday in Greenville, SC.  Wednesday back to Asheville and yesterday in Greensboro, NC and now I'm back in Asheville.  Some of my travels were for work and some for pleasure.  I like knowing that I can escape to a new city if I need to.  I love my home here in Asheville, but sometimes I feel like at home we have to talk about things...and when I'm away, we don't.  But I've discovered this week, that the things we don't say are just as powerful as the things we do.

In Charleston, Jordan and I spent a quiet weekend with the pups.  We drove down early Saturday morning and spent Saturday just the two of us, exploring downtown and having a nice dinner.  We didn't talk about how I was feeling or our relationship.  We talked to each other about love and life and our future.  Those are conversations I enjoy.  I like to talk about where we'd like to settle down and what our family dynamic will look like.  On Sunday, we took the pups ALL around Charleston.  We showed them the pier and downtown and they got to experience puppy gelato.  Then we took them to the beach and let them get dirty and wet and run around doing whatever they wanted.  They really really enjoyed the beach and the ability to explore somewhere new.  And I enjoyed seeing them so happy.

In Greenville, I got to see a lot of old friends.  We had a conference for work and some of the girls that I started with at Estee Lauder were there.  It's always a fun experience to be in a room with 40 other men and women that have the same passion as you: beauty.  We got to try new things and learn new techniques and of course build some new relationships and grow some old ones.  It was a great time and I enjoyed the opportunity to get out of town alone.

In Greensboro, I got to see my "mom" and my mom.  I spent time with both of them and I can't explain how much I've missed them both!  We had lots of good conversation and the best hugs!

All in all it's been a pretty good week.  And all in all I've been able to be away from the things that have been wearing on me here in Asheville.  However, now it's back to reality and back to facing my life.  What does that mean for me?  I work. I run a household.  I have people that depend on me.  And that's okay.  There's a lot of stress, but that's okay too.  Because I've taken up a new hobby: listening.  I've learned this week that listening to myself and to those around me brings me joy.  When I "listen" to the dogs and what they want, they're happy and that makes me happy.  When I listen to my customers at work, I hear stories of joy and triumph and of hurt and pain.  Both touch me differently, but SO deeply.  It makes me feel strong and secure to know that these women would share their joys and pains with me.  When I listen to myself, I feel like I can go further and stronger...and I also feel like I can slow down if I need to.

I've also learned how to listen to the things that aren't being said.  Jordan needs to know how I'm doing, but I don't want to talk about it.  So we've found ways to have that exchange without actually having that conversation.  My customer needs me to see her for who she is, even when she isn't ready to talk about it.  The dogs have so much love to give, but no words to share it.  My moms worry about me, but want to give me space and let me be an adult.  They want me to have the freedom to come to them when I need it.

I'm not good at sharing who I am out loud.  I'm not good at opening up to people in person.  But I can do it here, on my blog.  And then I can treat myself accordingly when I'm away from here.  I can learn more and I can do more.  And most importantly, I can live...and I can be okay.  Maybe listening is the key to all of those things.