Thank You

Let me tell you what the bottom looks like.

It's hopeless.  It's dark and everything stings.  Your chest is heavy.  Doom is impending.  Your heart aches and smiles are meaningless.  Laughing feels wrong and words feel wrong and quiet feels wrong too.  You're hungry, but you aren't sure for what.  You want to go outside, but you can't get out of bed.  The rain is nice and the sun burns.  The pain is okay...for a while...maybe not.  There's no door labeled "escape."  But somewhere in the middle of it all you decide that the bottom may be okay because you couldn't possibly go anywhere, but up...and then you realize that you really weren't at the bottom and you can actually fall further.

But every now and then there's a tiny glimmer of beauty.  There's something that has the faintest sparkle and it gives you the smallest dose of hope.  There's a happy moment in the middle of the darkness.  And when you're at the bottom, you appreciate that beauty more than ever before.

I've had a few of those glimmers this week.  I've had amazing people in my life making their presence known with the smallest gestures that really mean the world to me right now.  I've had total strangers reminding me that I am not alone in this struggle.  You guys are my life support and I am forever grateful.  Thank you, sincerely, for all of the calls, texts, emails, tweets, messages, etc.  It means the world to me.

I want to clarify one thing that I feel has been worrisome to some of you: I am safe.  Jordan and I have spent a lot of time talking about what our next step is right now.  What's our plan of action?  We are ensuring that my safety is our number 1 priority and we are making the necessary arrangements to maintain that standard.  We don't necessarily know where this journey is going to take us or how long we'll be on this road, but we are fighting together and we are fighting responsibly.  We know our limits and when to call in backup.  And we are completely prepared for that moment.

Bear with me as I walk this road one more time.  And please, continue to send the love and support.
I love you all.

"Embracing your light, doesn't mean ignoring your dark.  The world may be broken, but hope is not crazy."  -John Green