When Self-Love Whispers

I was making my breakfast this morning when I caught a glimpse of my legs. The reflection on the refrigerator door made me stop. I turned a couple different directions, checking them out and then I did something that I struggle to do. Something that almost never happens for me. I said "daaaaamn girl!" My legs aren't bony anymore. I no longer have the thigh gap. They're pale like the rest of me. Bruised from my many outdoor adventures. But man, am I in love with them today. I might not like them tomorrow. I don't even remember my feelings towards them yesterday. But today my confidence whispered to me and I can't explain the feeling.

I've been waiting for this day. I've been told it happens but I never really believed it. It's the day that I don't hate everything about myself. The day that I can love a small part of me without starving me. It's here...and that means recovery is possible. That means hope.

So I have some thoughts around all of this that I really just wanted to share with the world...

First, there's no guidebook to life. We've all heard that but I'm finding more and more each day that my process is a strange one and hardly ever makes sense, until it actually makes sense. Figuring out who you are, how you want to be, how to love yourself, or how you want to live, well, there's really no way TO figure it out. I've realized that making the best decisions in the moment has carried me to the best places in life. Sometimes the best decision is to plan. Sometimes the best decision is to let life lead me along. It's okay to not have answers and it's even more okay for all of that to be scary and overwhelming.

Second, even though there's no guidebook, there are survival kits. There's no map of life, but there certainly are tools that will help you survive. Find what soothes your soul. Find what helps you hang in there when you feel like you're at the end of your rope. For me, I need tons of support people, therapy, nature, something to keep my hands busy, and reminders to breathe. My survival kit has changed through the years. I've tossed out the things I don't need anymore and picked up more effective tools along the way. Build your kit and build it well.

Finally, when you reach a peak, celebrate! You'll have lots of mountains to climb and loads of valleys to explore. In those periods of life, you'll learn about yourself. You'll be put to the test and you'll have to learn how to adapt to the situation. But when you finally make it to the top, or even just to a nice viewing point, stop to take a picture. Spend a little bit of time celebrating not only the achievement, but the journey. On a day like today, when your self-love whispers, don't just celebrate the moment, but celebrate all of the hard work that brought you to that moment.

So here's my moment: today, I love my legs. And I'm so proud.