30 Days to Celebrate

Today is a very special day for me. I have worked tirelessly, relentlessly, and fearlessly for 10 months now. I have had the support of specialists, family, friends, and coworkers. I have attended session after session, group after group, and meal after meal. Bite by bite, sometimes with poise and grace, sometimes kicking and screaming. There have been good days and bad days and really really bad days and sad days and days that I just didn't feel like it. There have been road blocks and migraines and last minute changes in plans. And somehow here we are. 180 eating opportunities. 180 times to face the same fear. 30 days and not one single missed meal. Not one laxative. Not one purge. Not one trip to the gym. 30 days of life. One month of recovery.

I really value authenticity and it would be very inauthentic of me to tell you that this milestone didn't come without plenty of struggles. There were days were I was certain I wasn't going to be able to fit one more thing in my body. There were days when my appearance and body image screamed at me all day long, reminding me of every insecurity. And every now and the  there were also somewhat normal days where I just ate as didn't think anything of it. Those are the best days!

My biggest fear right now is that I've met my goal. I've made it to 30 days. It was a struggle. It was exhausting. So now what? I have to find a way to keep myself from flipping. I have to remind myself that despite my craving to manipulate my body, being nourished feels really great! I have to set a new, realistic, attainable goal. Something that feels like it will be worth celebrating, but still something worth working for...one day at a time.

"One thing we know for certain is that chasing meaning is better for your health than trying to avoid discomfort." -Kelly McGonigal

Recovery means a life worth living. And that's something worth chasing.