Risk the "What Ifs"

One of my favorite co-workers said today, "Leah, do you think your marriage will last?  You're so young."  At first, I didn't know what to say to her.  And then I said, "I think it will, but what if it doesn't?  What if I decide 10 years from that Jordan isn't the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?  What if we fall out of love?"  My co-worker responded, "Why did you get married so young?" 

My response: "Well, Jordan will mess up.  I will mess up.  We will scream and fight -- we'll get so mad at each other that we'll want to leave.  We'll make good decisions and bad ones.  We'll have hard times and we'll have good times and we'll have fun times and we'll have sad times.  Our marriage may someday come to an end...but imagine if it didn't!  What if we're together forever?  What if the marriage that no one thought would last is the most beautiful love story you've ever heard?  What if the words 'to death do us part' ring true for us 70 years from now?  What if we talked about the issues we had instead of leaving over them?  What if we decided to work things out with one another instead of walking away?  What if love held us together, even when our actions aren't good?  What if, we're together forever?"

I think it's worth the risk.  I think the possibility of being married to the woman I love for 70 years is worth the risk of a broken heart 10 years from now.  I love being married.  I love the life we have together.  I love being separates: Jordan and Leah.  I love being together: The Poole's.  I love our fights and our flaws...and I love being loved despite our flaws.  I love never going to bed angry.  I love how much Jordan wiggles when she's trying to get comfortable, even though it drives Milo (our little Maltese) and I crazy.  So what if our marriage doesn't work out?!?  I'll have the beautiful time we've spent together to show for it.  And WHAT IF IT DOES?  

I'm sure some of you will be very confused by this post.  I don't ever foresee not having Jordan in my life.  I'm not saying that divorce is easy or okay.  I think it's an awful thing to experience.  What I am saying, is that I'm willing to take my chances...because if I sat around all day contemplating "what ifs" I'd never get to experience anything.  I wouldn't have anything to show for my life.  Risks aren't always worth while.  Risks sometimes make us fall hard.  Sometimes, our risks change our lives in ways we could never imagine.  You can live your life conservatively, never trying anything new, and wonder why everything is so mundane.  But I have chosen something different.  I've chosen to take risks and enjoy life.  I've chosen to love and be loved.  I've chosen to throw "what ifs" out the window.  I want to live my life...not just think about it.  

So back to my co-worker.  I know you're eager to hear her final words, right?  Well, here it is:

"Leah, you will have a long, loving marriage because of who you are.  You're dedicated and you have a good heart.  Your life together won't always be easy, but you'll stick with Jordan and you'll make it through whatever trials you encounter.  Your understanding of one another will grow throughout the years.  You'll mess up.  Jordan will mess up.  That's okay.  You'll look back 50 years from now and know that you couldn't have found anyone more perfect for you.  You're best friends and you will be forever."

I appreciate those words so much.  This particular co-worker lost her husband several years ago and any time you ask about him, she says, "I love him so much.  He was my best friend.  We did everything together. Over 40 years of marriage.  40 of the most amazing years I could ever ask for."  I hope to be able to say those words, one day.  But if I spent my life wondering if our marriage will last, I never will.  

So, call me risky, but I don't regret getting married at 19.