Most nights, I have a hard time sleeping. It's a lot better than it used to be. There was a point in time where I would go weeks never sleeping more than an hour a night. I would be exhausted and run down and suffered from other physical and psychological effects from the lack of sleep. Now, my insomnia is under control, for the most part. I have a routine and things I can do to help me wind down. I also have medications. When all else fails, I have wine. On a good night, I can sleep a full 7-8 hours. On a bad night, I won't sleep at all. But on average, I can sleep about 5 hours a night (only waking up once), which is incredible considering where I started. Generally, I don't sleep more than 3 hours without waking up, but since my insomnia has been under control, I've been able to fall back asleep in about 5-15 minutes. For me, waking up in the middle of the night is normal and it doesn't bother me. I've come to accept the fact that my body needs to assure that everything is okay before it can rest again.
Sometimes life is like that. We have to keep a check on everything and make sure it is okay before we can rest. The problem is, most of the time, we forget to rest again. We keep a check on our best friend and co workers. We make sure the office isn't burning down and all of our school work is together. We check on our brothers and sisters and other family members to make sure no one's killed anyone yet. We attend baby showers and weddings and birthdays and holiday gatherings. We attend funerals and meetings, which can sometimes feel like the same thing. We check on our pets and our emails. We have to check phone calls and emails and Facebook and Twitter. When do you check on you? When do you rest? Don't forget to rest.
Today, I was overwhelmed. We had a very expensive emergency occur. I spent the day checking on bills and the emergency and making sure that all the correct amounts of money were in all of the correct places. It wasn't even 10 am before I lost it this morning. The tears came fast and hard. I decided to rest. From 10-10:30 I cried. Then from 10:30-12, I rested. I didn't overdo it. I didn't spend the whole day laying in bed or on the couch. But I gave myself time to calm down and allow my body some relief. After relaxing, I got up and went on with my day. I still had to deal with the reality that we have a problem that needs fixing. I still had to face the issue at hand, but giving myself time to rest gave me the strength and energy to address my problem and look at it calmly.
Resting doesn't solve anything for you. It just helps you maintain stability. Jordan and I still haven't figured out exactly how to handle everything right now. We don't have all of the answers that we crave. I'm not at peace. But I am calm.
Give your body a break. Give your heart some love. Don't expect resting to fix you, but allow it to help you, boost you. At the end of the day, you may be no better off than you were at the beginning, but it won't make things worse. So, what do you have to lose?
"Each of us deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares that will not withdraw from us." -Maya Angelou
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