Something that Matters

Yesterday was a really cool experience.  Yesterday I went to Estee Lauder school for my first holiday forum.  I got to meet some "higher ups" in the company.  We got to try products that haven't been released to the public yet.  We were given lots of cool things and learned a lot about the direction the company is headed in for the holiday season.  I met other Lauder girls from the counters in my district.  Basically, I got paid to play with makeup and perfume with 20 girls that are just like me.  It was awesome.  I really do feel like I've found a place to thrive.  I don't love Hickory (where I live) and I definitely don't love Morganton (where I work), but I do love my job, my home, my co-workers, and my family.  Makeup isn't where I saw myself 5, 3, or even 1 year ago...but it's been good for me.  It's an outlet of creativity and a place where I can be myself.  Working for Lauder is inspiring -- the company, as a whole, has so much heart and energy.  I love it!

If I had been working for this company a year ago, I would hate my job.  I wouldn't hate my job because it's a bad job...I would hate it because I hated everything.  I'm not talking about a "strong dislike", I mean HATE.  I wasn't happy...I didn't want to be.  I didn't want to be.  Let me say it again, I didn't want to be happy.  This is where depression kills us: it takes away our will to the point where being happy isn't even something we hope to achieve ever again.  We live in a rut because that's what we think we're supposed to do.  We deny ourselves joy because we think we don't deserve it.  I've got news for you, YOU DO!  You deserve to love and flourish in the life you've been given.  You weren't meant to just "get by" by the skin on your teeth.  

"Mom" shared this picture with me today.  I really liked it -- really describes my life perfectly (:

We have to make a decision to live.  You can't expect to get better without doing anything.  You have to "believe that your life could be wonderful."  Allow yourself to enjoy things that are enjoyable.  Tell yourself you DO have time to smile today and that SOMETHING (be it big or small) is worth smiling about!  My therapist (Emily) is always really blunt with me -- we just have that type of relationship.  She said to me one time, "It's no wonder you're so depressed: I would be too, if I never tried anything that mattered."  Try something that matters...to you or to someone else!  Try being a good person or try laughing.  Try going to work or school and enjoying it!  Or you can try to be miserable...and your life will be miserable, at best.

The choice is yours.