I am a survivor. I've never liked saying that. Acknowledging it, admitting it. In saying those four words, I have to own the fact that what happened, actually happened. But as the one year mark of my final suicide attempt approaches, I think I'm finally ready to believe that I am a survivor. There were days and moments that I never thought those words would be true. Times when I wanted to give up and say, "I can't do this." Times when I DID give up and say, "I can't do this." In those moments, I really did feel that way.
I've spent months not living, just being alive. I've spent months in hospitals, programs, units, and sessions around people, just like me, who aren't living. I still struggle sometimes. There are still days that I wonder how I made it through. One year later, this is the most important thing I've learned...this is what gets me through the day:
You are living a story, and you should not give up on it.
You may not be ready to tell your story yet. You may not even be ready to acknowledge the gravity of your situation yet. But in honor of the story you are not yet able to tell, LIVE YOUR LIFE! Make it worthy of being put in a book. Maybe you aren't there yet? That's okay too. What can you do? Ask for help. Millions of people struggle with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide. The majority of those people never get the help they need and deserve. What you do with your pain - how you respond to it - matters. It's possible to change. Remember the months I spent around people who aren't living? I also saw those people take brave steps towards hope, help, and healing. I've seen people sitting in group therapy for the first time, people stepping into treatment, and people calling a crisis hotline. I've seen people pursue sobriety and stability.
Great help exists and the first step is often the hardest one to take. If you're struggling, please talk to someone. It's okay to ask for help. People need other people. It's not easy, but it will change your life.
No comments:
Post a Comment