There's something that's been bothering me for almost a week now. We have Eli in puppy training classes. He's in a 6 week program and he attends every Thursday. It's a group class (there are 5 dogs in the class), which we chose so that Eli could learn how to behave even among distractions. Last week was "Week 2: Healthy Distractions and the Loose Leash Walk." When we got to the "loose leash walk" we separated (each owner(s) with their respective dog) and practiced the walk with our own dogs. Eli was tugging a lot at the leash and the trainer came by to give some guidance. She addressed the tugging and I made a comment that it's hard for me to get on to him because he has so much emotion that he really looks hurt when you scold him. She told me that I was anthropomorphising (attributing human characteristics to an animal) my dog. Had the conversation ended there, I wouldn't have had an issue. However, the conversation went on. The trainer proceeded to inform me that I baby Eli too much and she thinks that the reason I do that is because I want children and my partner does not...so to compensate for what I'm missing out on, I treat my dog like a child. I have QUITE a few issues with this statement. First of all, my partner wants children as much as I do. Actually, at times, I think she wants them more than I do. Secondly, her reasoning for why I baby my dog is completely off base.
I got Eli this past February. He was 6 weeks old and he was my Valentine's/Birthday present from Jordan. I was no longer suicidal, but I definitely wasn't in a good place. Eli gave me purpose again. I had someone that depended on me to get out of bed every morning and come home every night. I had someone to keep me company when I felt lonely. Jordan and I had opposite schedules when I got Eli. I left for school at 6:30 am Tuesday-Saturday and didn't return until 6:30 pm. Jordan typically worked 4 pm-Midnight Tuesday-Sunday. We slept in the same bed and spent time together on Mondays. That was our life. I was lonely. Then I got Eli. He kept me company and was "there for me" in times when I started to fall...in some strange way, I feel as though Eli saved my life. My mom blogged yesterday: "I'm not sure if I needed Leah or if Leah needed me more. I think we needed each other at this point in our lives." That's how Eli was for me. He needed someone to love and take care of him...and I needed someone to help me live again.
The thing that hurts me the most about our trainer's comment is that she said it without any regard to what the actual meaning behind me babying my dog is. She assumed that she knew what I was feeling, and that's not right. I'm a strong person - I can handle her saying whatever she wants to me. But for someone who isn't out of their depression yet, or is possibly still suicidal, that may have sent them over the edge. There were times when I know that comment would have cut me deeper than our trainer can imagine. Taking away my perspective on the one thing that is consistently good in my life may have damaged me for life.
I do want children, but that's not why I treat my dog the way I do. I'm overly protective because I don't know what I would do without him. I kiss and love on him because sometimes I need extra love. He sleeps in the bed with Jordan and myself because having him there is comforting. And I do think he has emotions. I don't have scientific evidence that my dog "feels"...but I know that he loves. Isn't love a feeling? He's responds to me better than anyone else -- doesn't that indicate some sort of emotional attachment to me? It doesn't matter if Eli actually has feelings...it matters that I feel responsible for keeping him happy. At one point, that responsibility kept me alive. Now, that responsibility keeps me healthy.
I guess the reason I felt the need to blog about this experience is because we, as humans, often vocalize things that we shouldn't. Keep your assumptions and negativity to yourself. I don't have a sign or visible ailment that indicates that I have depression. You don't write on your forehead that you're having a bad day. Sometimes we need a kind word and all the world has to share with us is negativity. A positive word, kindness, and compassion can go so far.
"Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love." -Lao Tzu
No comments:
Post a Comment