"She is searching for a meaning when all the words feel meaningless. The hardest part of losing is the memory of the win. The hardest part of letting go is when you know you never can." -Ron Pope, Meaning Meaningless
Jordan and I broke up one time for one month. It was the longest month of our lives. This Ron Pope song stayed on repeat while we were apart...it still brings back memories, but in a good way now.
We weren't the type of people that break up and get back together often. We weren't the type to threaten to leave either. I broke up with her and I was miserable. She had some issues that she needed to take care of and so did I. We needed to become complete people before we could share our lives with one another. I'd be a liar if I told you I didn't miss her every second of every day we were apart. It was the hardest thing to ask her to leave, but it was one of the best decisions I ever made.
In that month, I had the opportunity to realize how much I missed her...how much I loved and cared for her. I also had the opportunity to watch her change for the better. I got to see her grow as a person. She got the opportunity to appreciate our relationship more. She got to see just how strong we can both be apart. You should know your own strength before you try to lean on another person's strength.
"She opens up her eyes and a piece of her heart dies. And time moving quickly before our eyes - oh, why do these moments seem to fly? I am trapped and wondering why..." -Ron Pope, Meaning Meaningless
I know she didn't quite understand why I wanted that month to myself. I don't fully understand it either. But at the time, I just felt like I needed to know more about myself before I could focus on her. We both died a little inside, but that was quickly reborn into something even more beautiful.
If you ask Jordan now, she'll tell you it was the best thing we ever did for our relationship. She'll tell you that she learned more about BOTH of us in that month that she had our entire relationship. She'll also tell you that it's why we're still together today.
Sometimes the hardest things to do are the things we need most. Sometimes we have to sacrifice what we love for what we need. It creates a healthy environment, even if it seems counterproductive. Jordan and I broke up so that we could be together... it doesn't sound like it would make sense, but it really is the only reason we're where we are today. Now when I hear that Ron Pope song, I remember the things we've done for each other. I keep in mind the hard work it takes to build a relationship...and I remember that Jordan loved me enough to give me what I needed so that we could both have what we wanted.
"In the sweet embrace of twilight there was laughter in the breeze." -Ron Pope, Meaning Meaningless
My experience has been the same as yours. My first girlfriend and I were together for seven years, with a one year hiatus in the middle. Issues that we could not overcome were dealt with during that year, we both grew and matured immeasurably, and grew closer to who each of us we wanted to be. I suspect we both found our "life partners" as a result of the growing we did during that year.
ReplyDeleteFiguring yourself out is always the tricky bit, isn't it? You'll both periodically have to do it again. As you're lives change, together and individually, you'll re-assess pretty much everything about yourselves and each other.
ReplyDeleteDo it conciously, somewhat regularly, and communicate. Nothing worse than waking up one morning and realizing that something important is missing, damaged, wrong, changed and not knowing what or how you got there. Doesn't mean your through, but it makes for a rougher time than you needed to put yourself(ves) through.
You're young and there is still a lot to learn and explore. Don't be afraid to say you're afraid when one of you is going in a direction or speed that is uncomfortable for the other. Both of you adjust your pace so that neither of you is too far ahead or behind.
*Hugs*