"Who is the happier man: the one who has braved the storm of life or he who has stayed securely on the shore and merely existed?" -Hunter S. Thompson
A few days ago, I was asked by a co-worker "what do you want to do with your life?" I thought to myself, "I'm doing it!" But that wasn't my response to her. Instead I said "Live and be happy." It's no secret that there have been times when I neither wanted to live nor be happy...so uttering those words were a sincere moment of accomplishment for me. I'm not sure if the beauty industry will make me happy forever, but for now it does, so I'll keep doing it. And when it doesn't, I'll stop.
I think dreams are ever changing. I believe that as we grow and mature, so do our desires and emotions. What made me happy when I was 7 isn't the same as what makes me happy now; what makes me happy now, may or may not make me happy 10 years from now. In my young, inexperienced opinion, we have to try something before we decide if it makes us happy. The problem is, we're often scared to try new things. When you find a life that fits you comfortably, you don't leave it. You have a job that pays well, a family that doesn't argue too much, and a home that suits you...why would you strive for happiness when you have everything you need? It sounds silly when you read that, right? Everyone should want to be happy! But consider your life and the things you are doing with it-- have you followed your dreams or merely followed what was practical?
I think Jordan and I are actually really great at doing what makes us happy. She has a bachelor's degree and could be making a good amount of money doing some 9-5 desk job. Instead, we choose to live on a tighter budget to allow her to go to graduate school and follow the dream she's always had, to be a counselor. When I decided I wanted to go to beauty school, there was no discussion about giving up a full scholarship and taking on new debt in its place. Our conversation went more like this: "Will beauty school make you happy? Let's do it." Before moving to Asheville, we had plans to move to Morganton, save a lot of money (because cost of living is SO cheap), and continue living our lives until Jordan was out of school. We entertained the idea of moving to Asheville for about 10 minutes before we realized that Morganton was no longer an option. Asheville is where we would be happy...nothing else mattered.
One thing Jordan says to me maybe a little too frequently is, "it's never enough for you, is it?" Sometimes this is a negative conversation for us, but more often than not, it's something I'm proud of. I never stop asking for more. I want more and more out of life the more and more I live it. A lot of people are frustrated by this, which I don't quite understand. Why wouldn't you want everything you can get out of life? What's the harm in asking life for more? What's the worst it can say? No? Well, at least you have answers. The alternate answer is yes and then you have more! This is not to say that I'm not grateful for what I have or content with where I am (because I am most certainly both of those things). I'm merely saying that I want everything I can possibly get out of life: as much experience, happiness, adventure and love that I can find. You can't have those things when you're living inside of your comfort zone.
When we make decisions based on happiness, society tells us we're being irrational and irresponsible. You know what, letting each day pass you by without any joy or adventure when it's staring you right in the face sounds more irrational and irresponsible to me. So, I suppose, to my co-worker I would say, if you aren't happy, move on. Embrace the possibility of failure and live the life you want to live! If you aren't happy, find a way to be happy. Because you owe it to yourself to give everything you have towards living the life you've always imagined. You owe it to yourself to live and be happy.
Humans are herd animals. Herd animals are most comfortable in a secure environment, or at least an environment with the illusion of security. That’s why people don’t understand or are uncomfortable with the ‘risks’ you and Jordan take. It upsets their comfort zone.
ReplyDeleteIt also has to do with their experiences in life verses yours. Let’s face it honey, you’ve had more hell in your young life than most folks three times your age. What freaks the crap out of them is kind of a Tuesday for you. It takes up close and personal with that kind of uncertainty and fear to realize just how illusory security is and become acclimated to its presence.
For most people, stability in life means glass calm waters. Others have learned to balance themselves on waves. You’re a big wave girl.
(Oddly enough, for most of history, peoples’ lives were so uncertain that they had to be bold for any chance in hell of obtaining security.)
That being said, as you become responsible for more lives, animal or human, your ability to be daring will diminish. With each life looking to you for its stability and security you have to put the means of providing these things for that life ahead of your own desires, even if that means only going out on glass calm waters.
It comes down to the difference between the right to risk yourself and the obligation not to risk someone else, particularly if they are in any way unable to fully understand or accept the risk.
That in no way means you don’t strive for happiness, it may mean that your definition of what makes you happy changes. Think how happy it makes you when you do something that makes Jordan smile.
So enjoy and embrace the time you have to be bold. You don’t have to lose that part of you completely as your life changes, but your daring will usually have to be thoroughly planned to suit the needs of others rather than the semi-spontaneity you can employ now.
Think it through as you usually do, but go for it, all of it, love, happiness, adventure. Go big. Rillitorigata